SEXaphone

Fuck your stereo!

That's what I'm talking about

Stroh's spoken here

Stroh's!

They're still out there, bro

You never know when you might find a crager mag!

Burnout of the day

NOva, more like BROva

12 days of Christmas

12 pack of Hamm’s
11 oz of bondo
10 box carton of Kool’s
9 months probation
8 ball shift knob
7-11 slushi and hot dog
6 x 9 kenwoods
5 bloody knuckles
4 crager mags
3 Dale Earnhart t-shirts
2 glass packs
and some parts to a Cutlass Supreme

Merry Christmas

Dirt Rodder's early Christmas gift to you!

Merry Christmas Broseph's!

Still seeking out a special lady friend for some hot mistletoe action?

Like an old t-shirt over your holley 650 carb., Dirt Rodder has got you covered.... use this line and have yourself a Merry little Christmas (see below)!

“Hey baby, need a mechanic for that finely tuned body?”

Free Pizza, bros!

"In honor of the reunion, Papa John's planned to offer all Camaro owners a free pizza at stores on Wednesday."

Summertime can only mean one thing -cut off jean shorts

Summer time, bros! Time to take the T-tops off, and the put your denim shorts on!

Don't have any shorts? Not a problem, mang! Just like a chiropractor, Dirt Rodder has got your back ...

How to Make Denim Shorts:

Things You'll Need

• Old jeans
• Regular bleach
• Scissors
• Steak knife
• Pocket knife
• Dryer

Current/Elliott Denim Current/Elliott Denim Exclusive Fred Segal Collection www.FredSegalTrend.com

Classic Military Shorts Cargo shorts that are ready for sumer fun - Engineered by Alpha www.ShopAlphaindustries.com

Jeans at Zappos Huge Selection of Jeans at Zappos. Free Shipping and Happy People! www.Zappos.com

Denim Cut Off Shorts Save on Clothing & Apparel Compare & Buy from 1000s of Stores www.Shopping.com

Hide these ads

Warnings

• Be safe around the bleach. Don't let it get on other clothes or on
your skin.

• Be careful when using sharp knives.

Steps

1.) Put a pair of old jeans into a bathtub full of water with the amount of bleach you desire in it. This amount depends on how light or dark you want your cut-offs.

2.) Let the jeans soak for about a half hour to an hour (once again,depends on how much bleach you put in).


3.) Take the jeans out and throw them in the dryer for about one hour. If they're a little damp, don't worry, you can work fine with them.

4.) Use tough scissors to cut off the legs until you get to your desired length.

5.) Fray the bottom edges and around the sides and the front and back pocket openings with scissors or a pocket knife.

6.) Fray the actual fabric up and down fast and hard to get a rough look, using sandpaper.

Tips

• To keep the stringy fray, you may want to freshen them up every now and then by running the knife across the cut-offs.

• When you are cutting your jeans down to shorts, be sure to try them on every few cuts! Remember, you can always cut off more, but you can't always add back on easily.

• If you get bleach on your skin, wash the area immediately for 15-20 minutes in warm water.

• If you already have a favorite pair of shorts, fold them in half the same way you folded your jeans (do this before you cut) and lay the shorts on top of the jeans lining up the seams, use the shorts as a loose guideline for length.

• If your shorts are too tight around the thigh, snip about two inches up the outside seam, and fold. (Looks better with jeans that are lighter on the inside.)

There you have it... Stay cool, bros. DR

Burnout(s) of the Day

Cowboy up...
Don't tread on me...

Sometimes you gotta be a little healthy, bro

I think the easiest breakfast option in the world is a bowl of cereal. But just because it is an easy option, doesn't mean it has to be unhealthy. I like starting my day off with a cereal that is high in fiber; it helps keep me full and helps me reach the recommended 30 gram mark for daily intake of fiber. When shopping for cereal, go for ones made with whole grains that contain at least three grams of fiber per serving. Here are some great options:

• Kashi Go Lean (10 g)
• Kashi Go Lean Crunch (8 g)
• Nature's Path Optimum Power (10 g)
• Barbara's Shredded Oats (4 g)
• Barbara's Puffins (6.7 g)
• Barbara's Ultima (16 g)
• Fiber One (28.8 g)
• Bear Naked Peanut Butter Granola (3 g)
• Bear Naked Apple Cinnamon Granola (3 g)
• Bear Naked Fit Triple Berry Crunch Granola (3 g)
• Kashi Mountain Medley Granola (3 g)
• Kashi Orchard Spice Granola (3 g)

Fit Tip: Increase the fiber content of your cereal by adding nuts and fresh, frozen, or dried fruit.

jackpot.

Who could even put a price on this box of music?
Well, the guy selling them at the rummage sale did:
$0.50 per tape, or the whole box for less than ten bucks!
score!
not jealous? Well, this should do the trick:
A Dirt Rodder staff member purchased a starter from the same rummage for a lousy $1.00.

Wait, what!?
...you didn't really ask that, did you? ....Of course it was for a Small Block Chevy....

Dirt Rodder's got your back, bro

Need a little inspiration for some spring / summer time cruising tunes? Dirt Rodder has got your back....

File>Print

Bring this handy little guide with you you're going to be flipping though the flea market or thrift store CD bin.

Happy 4-20, bros

By Kurt, DirtRodder staff

My bro, Jake, asked me to say a few words here given today's date, which i feel more than honored and qualified to do.

Dirt Rodder's editor doesn't smoke refer...which i totally don't get. I mean, fuck an A man, some Deep Purple turned up to 11 and a freshly rolled bone with a couple of bros? Hey, i'll even pick out the beaners if you'd give it try, man.

Anyhow, gimme a call after work...i should still have a little bit of this 1/4 I bought leftover...i spent 25 bucks on it, so you know it's the real deal.
Happy 4/20 bros.

here's a photo of last year's 4/20 burnout during a burnout:

editors note*

Burnout of the day

How to Get a Job - My cousin with the Camaro

Times are tough for a bro out there... Adam (pictured at right), a cuz' and long time Dirt Rodder, recently applied for a job on craigslist. Think you know how to write a cover letter with your resume- think again...

Here's Adam's email, EXACTLY as he submitted it for employment:


Subject: Driving instructor at your service


Offensive (I mean defensive) driving
instructor available for duty.


My name is Adam, and I am writing in response to the "defensive driver
instructors" ad that is currently running on Craigslist Milwaukee.
Looking for the best? Here I am. Seriously, "hands down" one of the
finest drivers you will ever find is at your service. Are you kidding?
No I am not. Started driving at the age of 10 or 11 (cannot remember
exactly what age). First car driven was a hobby stock race car. First
direction driven, sideways. Thats right, I said sideways. Was in a
hayfield, could not even see out the windscreen. Learned how to
control a spin and how to purposely throw a cars' ass end around in a
controlled manner. Before the age of 15 would "steal" (I like to say
borrowed) Mothers' Pontiac for 100 M.P.H. joy rides. In high school,
the only kid in Drivers Ed that could successively do a "Rockford" on
city streets. First speeding ticket was at the age of 16, one week
into having a license. That first
speeding ticket was for going 80 in
a 55. Lifetime (to date) highest M.P.H clocked on police radar was 130
(that was going around a corner by the way=2
0and in a Super Sport
Chevrolet!). Speeding tickets are not the only traffic citations
accumulated over the years by this "Habitual Traffic Offender".
Operating while intoxicated, reckless driving, disorderly conduct with
a motor vehicle, "racing", "cruising", exhaust excessively loud,
excessive acceleration, failure to stop for a red light, failure to
where a seatbelt (12 times), no rearview mirror, windows excessively
dirty, expired registration, "weaving", "tailgating", failure to pay
toll, wrong license plates for vehicle, operating after revoked,
speeding (at least 30 times), the list goes on. Why are you telling me
this?! Here's why. One word. Experience. Drove race cars for 7
years. Have outrun police on numerous occasions. (Those Fords that
they drive are pathetic, I love a good Chevrolet). Been "involved" in
no less than 10 automobile accidents (none life threatening). Have
also been "involved" with no less than 100 street races (going 145
M.P.H. smokin a Cobra through town was a great race). Great skills at
expressway merging, "muscling" into tight lanes of traffic, evasive
maneuvering, "scanning" the road ahead, "predicting" potential
accidents, "reacting" to real instances. Also great at high speed
driving, launching a "manual shift" car or truck, launching an
"automatic" car or truck, power sh
ifting, double clutching, "drifting",
the this goes on.


Available most anytime weekdays for a real life demonstration. We can
use your bosses car! (kidding)


Great experience with "classroom" instruction. Computer literate.
Excellent written/verbal/ presentation skills. Amazing coach/leader
attitude. Will work with ALL students until they pass. Nobody fails
when I teach them something. Also, have passed two driving safety
courses in the past (court ordered).


If you think I am joking, you're wrong. I am a small business owner
looking for extra income. Real life experience is the key to success
at anything. Please do not hire somebody else for this position until
you have at least been in contact with me first. You wont find anyone
who can drive like me. Thank you.


Sincerely,

Adam

Burnout of the day

oh hey man

sorry it's been awhile... hopefully this picture more than makes up for the lack of articles. Stay tuned, bros

If Dirt Rodder were a dictionary...

... we would put U and I together

Tow Trucks are for suckers:

Think you need a tow truck? Think again! Why waste your hard earned money, when all you really need is one of your bros...

*Special Thanks to M.W. for the submission

Burnout of the day

Christmas, DirtRodder Style

Merry Christmas, Bros!

Ho, Ho ho.... Merry Christmas! Before reading any further, PLEASE click play on the video below. If Dee Snider and the boys don't can't get you into the Christmas spirit, we're not sure anything can!



Not sure what to get the Dirt Rodder on your Christmas shopping list? It's cool, bro - just like when you brought your ride to Jiffy Lube - we did the work for you.
Pour yourself some more eggnog, light another smoke, and feast your eyes on our Dirt Rodder Holiday gift guide:


Chrome Valve Covers


Just like Parker Lewis, you can't lose with Chrome valve covers. Not sure which ones to get? We can guarantee Small Block Chevy.







Beard Trimmer


Hey! Who spilled beard all over the Dirt Rodder you're buying a gift for? Does it matter? Help a brother out by getting him (or her?) a beard trimmer.





Metallica Hat

WWJD? More like WWJHWFC (What would James Hetfield want for Christmas) ...and if you don't know who James Hetfield is, punch yourself in the dick!










Ash Tray

Any True Dirt Rod Enthusiast frequents the world wide web a lot. A LOT. Why not get them an ashtray - a place for everything and everything in it's place.





Chain Saw
Who doesn't want a mother fucking chain saw!? Nobody, that's who!

Happy Holidays

just kidding, bro

What Dirt Rodder did last night...

How to not get hassled by the man, man

'Sup BROS?

Man- picture this:

You just got finished flipping the air cleaner, tightening the lugs on your new (to you) wide Cragers (only in the back) and did a 'pretty good' job wipin' down your '83 El Camino...

As you're cruising your local bowling alley parking lot, DIO's Holy Diver comes on the radio.

perfect.

Two blocks later however, things take a turn for the worse when you see red and blue lights in your (euro) side mirror.

Relax Bros, Dirt Rodder has got your covered with some quick tips on how to not get hassled by the man:

Turn down the Whitesnake


Now anyone reading this KNOWS that David Coverdale and the boys rock that shit- they rock it! But you know who doesn't know it? The cops, bro- that's who. Show some respect for Johnny Law, and turn the radio off.







Consider a smaller '3' sticker for the back window

Why give the cops a reason, bro? Look, it's clear God needed a driver, and while Dale Earnhardt (god rest his soul) was the Intimidator, your 'in memory of' sticker is not going to intimidate the police.




DO NOT challenge the officer to a fist fight

Cool out, bro. Look, we both know you could take him in a fair fight, but doesn't the fact that your cruising an El Camino proof enough that you're a bad-ass? Not sure?... give that mustache of yours a glance in the rearview... see, total bad-ass.








Just tell the cops you bought like that

Don't give up the goods, just tell them you bought your dirt rod with the upside down air filter cover / cherry bombs / 10" wide tires in the back / tinted windows / front "night prowler" decal / chain steering wheel / etc...


Just remember bros, a little respect can go a long way. Shit, man- it might even be the difference between cruising past the high school girls, or walking past.

BROchure

Sure, Bro.